Weekend Roundup

Israeli and Jordanian negotiators have concluded an agreement whereby the wooden bridge providing access to the Temple Mount will be dismantled and tourists will instead enter through the Double Gate on the southern wall and exit through the Golden Gate.

The recent excavations of the Pool of Siloam have revealed that the famous pool was not where they thought. Archaeologists suspect that the pool was actually located under the adjacent lot where they dumped all the dirt.

A three-year-old child on a field trip has discovered an ancient Hebrew seal reading, “belonging to Jehoiachin, son of Jehoiakim, son of Josiah, son of Amon, son of Manasseh, son of Hezekiah, son of Ahaz, son of Jotham, son of the leper-king Uzziah.”

Renovations at the Israel Museum will soon allow visitors to participate in worship of Canaanite deities at the Hazor shrine exhibit.

Plastic containers discovered on the surface of Tel Lachish are “clearly ancient,” announced IAA experts after scanning them three times.

The Egyptian parliament has passed a law demanding that Israel immediately repatriate the Ten Commandments.

Gertie Golel has announced on Facebook that she has identified and deciphered five never-before-seen inscriptions in the Holy Sepulcher, one of which was written by the Apostle John and then apparently crossed out by the Apostle Peter. A final publication will be released soon on Twitter, but it seems to have said something like, “I was here first.”

Aren Maeir is coming back from retirement to launch a new 25-season campaign in the Philistine city of Gaza, thereby cementing his status among Israeli archaeologists as the G.O.A.T.

The first annual “peace triathlon” sponsored by Israel and Jordan will begin with a swim across the Dead Sea, continue with a foot race on an unmarked route through the En Gedi sinkholes, and conclude with a bike sprint to the top of Masada on the Snake Path.

The Egyptian Ministry of Antiquities has announced that an announcement about a major discovery will soon be announced.

In an effort to curtail the recent wave of graffiti left by tourists on the Colosseum in Rome, authorities are welcoming personal etchings in an area of the amphitheater that will once again serve as a holding cell for the condemned.

Critics are pledging warm relations now that the Museum of the Bible has become the Museum of the Quran.

After Brill announced a 90% price reduction on their books, authors are delighted that they will be able to afford a copy for themselves.

We have decided to end the annual $100 subscription fee for this blog, but readers who owe back dues need to pay up.

If this roundup was not to your taste, you can be thankful that not until 2029 will a weekend again land on April 1.


8 thoughts on “Weekend Roundup

  1. Ha! Started reading the first one with some interest and then said, “Now wait…”. Thanks for the humor!

  2. I believed the one about the Siloam Pool because of the recent tourism-preview video on CoD’s YT channel. But then I got suspicious with the 3-year old, & the plastic at Lachish made me hang my head in shame! Great job, Todd!

  3. I wish the article about the Colisseum were true. Lie to us if you have to.
    I understand that the Oireachtas is reconsidering the wicker-man for the yahoos who keep defacing the Tara menhirs.

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