Lead Books: A Personal Investigation

Some days you just wake up full of regrets.  I think bloggers probably have more regrets.  Pushing the “publish” button is oh-so-easy, and once it is on the internet, your word stands forever

Such is the case with my analysis yesterday about the Early Christian lead books recently brought to light.  If you read that post, you will recall that I expressed skepticism about the circumstances around this discovery.  I questioned just how great it was.  But in fact, I was completely wrong.  It really does have the potential of being the greatest discovery of all time.

My change of heart began this morning when I received in the mail (registered) a small packet containing one of the codices.  The owner’s representative wrote that his feelings were hurt by my comments yesterday and he wanted me to see one of the artifacts for myself.  The letter was very warm and obviously written by a highly educated individual who desires only to see that the truth come out.

While I cannot attest to the authenticity of the 69 other books, this one is obviously very old.  It even has the smell of an old book, despite being made of metal.  The letters are very unusual, and that’s another indication of the document’s antiquity.  I remember the shape of the letters in my grandparents’ old King James Bible and these letters have to be older than those. 

Though I have little metallurgical training, it appeared to me that the codex was made of lead, and not copper, as some of them allegedly are.  I verified this by using the edge of the codex to write a few words on a piece of paper and the results were remarkably similar to writing with a pencil.  Just to make sure, I had my infant son lick the codex, knowing that real lead would cause his tongue to turn slightly green.  The fact that this codex is made with lead provides clear evidence that it is ancient, as nobody makes books out of lead any more.  I would post a photo of the codex here but the battery on my iPhone is dead and I don’t have another camera to use.

I have been fortunate to have several scholars stop by to offer their sage counsel.  Rev. Stevie Blamer of the Dispensational School of Archaeology observed dirt on the edges of the codex, clear evidence that it was hidden away for thousands of years.  Dr. Tim Sheriff of Salem University College School insisted that the writing in the codex may exactly match the biblical text, if only he could decipher the code.  Prof. Eli Johns of the Unreformed Theological Seminary countered that the code didn’t need deciphering but should be interpreted according to its literal sense.  Dr. Ricardo Tyler of St. Papa John’s College observed several grammatical errors on the first page and wondered from what school the author graduated.

I, of course, am doing all of this for the benefit of humankind, glad to give of my time and services so generously.  And you’ll benefit even more when you BUY MY NEW BOOK, which is due out next week.  You can look for it at Amazon under the title True Archaeologist Makes Greatest Discovery Ever! 

I think my soul’s physical embodiment is finally in tune with the earth’s inner vibrations.  There can be no other explanation for the gift of knowledge that I mysteriously possess.  I would certainly warn you to disregard any cynical voices that claim that the planet’s dynamic equilibrium is upset each year on April 1.


11 thoughts on “Lead Books: A Personal Investigation

  1. Hilarious! Had me going there for a moment, but as soon as you said you had your infant son lick the lead book, I finally caught on. Happy April Fool's Day!

  2. Sigh. I should have been prepared for this. I really should have. But it still took me awhile. It hit me about the same point as Marshall. Yep, All Fools Day got me again.

  3. I caught the not too"subtle" reference to my name. You are still hoping to pass the comps, correct?! Perhaps it was just a scribal error?

  4. What a coincidence! Three members of our department also got tablets — and just yesterday!

  5. Dr. Bramer – wow, that is a remarkable coincidence, now that you point it out! I'm wondering though if rather than a scribal error if it might actually have been some deep subliminal Freudian expression. My wife could certainly attest to the fact that in recent weeks I have thought much of you and my other (tor)mentors as the shadow of oral comps grows ever darker. On the other hand, perhaps I was just referring to one of these guys.

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